Have you ever picked up a book and started reading the last chapter?
Sometimes in life, we have to start with the end of the story to really understand the beginning. When I started studying astrology, I had no idea that it would not only be a fascinating tool to navigate life with, but it would actually be a guide to help me through one of the toughest times in my life.
I have to tell you that this is the first time I am sharing this very personal story, publicly. In hopes that I can help others understand that we may not all have been dealt the perfect hand, but that we are dealt the perfect hand for us, and in the end, it’s what you do with what you are given, not what it does with you!
Okay, no more tippy-toeing around the subject. During Saturn’s return to Scorpio from 2012-2014, something strange happened to me. I suddenly had issues that had come up during his first visitation in 1984-1986, but this time he came back with a vengeance. Unsettled, family suspicions that haunted my life in the background were now being brought up from the depth of the sea.
I started asking questions, “Why would my mother, ever tell me that my dad was not really my dad?”
I came into the world ten-years later than my two older sisters, and my parents were in a very different place in life when they had me. They had experienced almost losing it all.
I was born at the end of my mother’s first Saturn Return in Aries, and as you know this can make for some life changing events. My parents relationship had come under fire, and they were separated for a time. In the 60s, during Neptune transit through Scorpio, personal problems were very private, and you definitely didn’t run home to mother.
My older sisters experienced the brunt of the separation and witnessed the stress in their troubled relationship. My mother took refuge with a friend from work. During that time, believing her marriage was over, she met a man that came into her life. She had no idea that this brief relationship would change everything. You can probably tell by now where this is going–
Yes, my mother found out she was pregnant with me.
Pluto was in Virgo during this time, and the pressures of the perfect life weighed heavy on my mom’s heart. She knew she had to go back home, keep her family together, and do the right thing. She changed her number, and swore she would take the truth of my biological father to the grave… so she thought. She told me she wanted to protect my sisters and I from the consequences of a broken family (especially being such a scandalous event). But she didn’t plan on my Scorpio Rising sister remembering the man with blue eyes.
After I was born, my mother focused on her family. My dad, the one who raised me, knew he had to do things differently. He poured his time and wisdom into my life. He was the dad every girl dreams of.
Having this kind of information about someone is a very delicate subject, in some cases it may be a good thing to tell a child, but for others it could be very psychologically damaging. Although, this information was whispered in my ear (as a suspicion) over the years, my heart wasn’t ready to hear.
Let’s fast forward now to my 45th birthday, Saturn was deeply intrenched in Scorpio, and suddenly, I had to know the truth. The veil of protection had been removed. The nagging question became a urgent quest for the truth. I felt obsessed, I would do the bravest thing I had ever done–take on the family secret and get to the root of the matter. I felt this crazy urgency, but had no idea why.
Finally, one day, after a lot of highly emotional conversations within my family, it came out. The prison door finally opened and my mother walked through.
Mom: “You come from a very intelligent family.”
Mom: “Yes, you do.”
Me: “Do you know his name?”
Mom: “I do.”
Me: “You don’t know his birthday do you?” (still in shock, but you know I had to ask).
Mom: “Well, a matter of a fact, his birthday was one day before mine, so I always remembered it.”
I felt a rush of adrenaline come over me. I wondered if he was still alive. With a name, $19.99 for People Search, and a need to know, I found him in Las Vegas within 20 minutes. He was still alive! Seventy-eight years old, and he was still alive!
My mom knew she had to do it–make the call to tell my biological father and let him know that she’d finally told me the truth about him. He had tried to respect her decision to go back to her family. He never believed the day would come when he would hear my mom’s voice again.
Mom: “Hi_____. Do you remember me?”
Bio-dad: “Yes I do. I never knew if I would live to see this day.”
Mom: “I believe we have a common interest.”
She called me back to tell me she spoke with him. I was completely unprepared for the extreme mix of foreign emotions I was having. My father that raised me had died almost 20-years ago during my first Saturn Return. Would I be betraying him? Or was this my moment in time. My moment to be my own woman, and face reality. My new reality.
I always thought it was a little strange, when I started studying family charts, that my dad who raised me and I, really didn’t have anything too outstanding in common, astrologically. But, the one thing that did stand in his natal chart was his North Node In Pisces was conjunct my Ascendant in Pisces. And my North Node in Aries was conjunct his Ascendant in Aries. Because of my intercepted first house in Aries, the 2nd through 12th houses were almost identically lined up, putting us on the same life path.
His Sun, Moon and Mercury were in Gemini, conjunct my 3rd and 4th house. During my early years he played, “Mr. Mom” in my life and drove me everywhere. I remember our best times being in the car (so Gemini)… talking, laughing, and him letting me listen to my 80’s music.
I was born when my dad who raised me was 36, about the time our North Nodes are activated. It was clear that we were destined to connect. He would end up being the one to teach me to walk my path.
When looking at family natal charts, there are certain patterns that I have seen play out over and over. I am going to share with you some of these patterns, that came to the surface in my story… and maybe you can apply them to your stories.
It wasn’t until I looked at the natal chart of my new found, bio-dad, that my jaw finally hit the floor. No DNA test needed, I was his carbon copy.
My bio-father and I shared 4 out of 5 personal planets. We both shared the Sun in Virgo, Mercury and Venus in Libra and Mars in Leo (at the exact, 20th degree).
We both shared an Ascendant and Moon conjunction (which is somewhat a rare placement). He had an Ascendant and Moon in Leo, while I have my Ascendant and Moon in Pisces.
Leo Risings typically have their 4th house in Scorpio, which can be very devastating for family issues–including abandonment or power plays with children. Pisces Risings are often victims of kidnappings, abductions, foster homes, adoptions–or in my case never knowing my bio-dad. Hidden deception, behind the Neptunian veil.
My bio-dad had Saturn (father figure) in Pisces conjunct my Ascendant and Moon. We know Saturn can cause restrictions, and we now know he was restricted from being my father.
When I spoke to my biological father on the phone for the first time, I felt like I had known him my whole life. We talked over each other like Virgo’s do with our Mars in Leo excitement, carefully trying to keep the conversation politely acceptable.
Finally, on November 16, 2015, we planned to meet in Las Vegas, where he lived. Jupiter was shining bright in Leo at an exact conjunction of our Mars placements in Leo (20 degrees). Mars had just moved into Virgo, fueling all Virgo’s to take action.
My husband, 5-year old son, and I, stood in the lobby of the casino, staring at the huge fish aquarium, waiting to meet my father for the first time in my life. The sound of slot machines echoed through the casino as we turned around and saw a tall, strong man walking boldly towards us, reaching out his arms to me. The energy was overwhelming, strangely familiar, and unnervingly comfortable. Could we possibly make up for forty-five years in just two hours?
He was a regretful man, but told me he believed my mother did the right thing by trying to protect me. He wasn’t the man he wished he could have been. At the end of the night, he asked my family and I if he could give us a ride on the Las Vegas strip. He told me stories about his life… I was trying to remember every word. He used to work for a prominent, Limousine Company in Las Vegas and had many famous clients. I also found out I was conceived in Vegas… go figure.
My sister used to tease me that I had big, blue, bird eyes when I was born. And sure enough as I gazed across the table, so did he. The resemblance was uncanny.
We went our separate ways that night, with a little hope for… maybe, a friendship. Maybe another visit some time. I tried not to have any expectations, but I had to admit I wanted more time with him.
We would talk once more time before I got the call from my half brother. (Oh, yeah, I have a brother and two sisters–but that’s for another article!). I had a daunting calm when he said the words, “Our father passed away last night by a sudden heart attack in his sleep.”
Jupiter in Leo brought us together on November 16, 2014. On January 9, 2015, Jupiter retrograded back over the same degrees (20 degrees), this time, closing the book on the final chapter of a perfect story.
I found comfort in knowing that I could see the astrological clock ticking in perfect harmony with my life. I will never forget his walk through the casino, he was proud, as if he owned the night. You know they say, “Stop while your ahead.” And so we did.
So I will end by saying, trust the cycles. They will rise up to meet you and let you down ever so gently.
Each one of us has our own unique hand dealt to us at birth. It is what you do with what you are given, not what it does with you!
For next month’s article by Cowgirl Astrologer!
A few question to contemplate when comparing family charts:
Do you share the same Saturn placement with either one of your parents?
Do any of your parents planets conjunct your 4th house?
Where does the 4th house reside in your siblings charts?
Do you notice any unique planetary patterns running through your families charts?
Do your personal planets conjunct any of your family member’s personal planets?
Look at all your siblings Moon Signs, this will give you insight into how differently you see your mother.
Do you notice a specific sign (theme) dominating the family charts?