My 12th House, Part II: Moon

 

When I first started studying Astrology, the 12th house was a soft spot for me. I especially wanted to learn all about it because of my Sun, Moon, Mercury and North Node (coming soon!) all sitting pretty in the 12th in Aries and Taurus. I wandered through many bookstores filled with Traditional astrology writings that described the 12th house in the most hopeless way. Classically speaking, the 12th house is often regarded as the House of Misery, Karma, The Unconscious, Isolation, Self-Undoing, Sorrow, Witches, Fears and Imprisonment. Those who are aware of their own planets being in the 12th often wonder if their lives are doomed with sadness and tragedy. I wondered, was I meant to go to prison or a mental institution? Is past-life karma going to follow me around, constantly reminding me of pain I didn’t know I caused?

Then I stumbled upon Modern Astrology, which views the 12th House as a place of great potential in addition to it’s intrinsic downfalls. Although it remains as the awful-sounding House of Self-Undoing, it is also the house of Unconditional Love, Secret Aspirations, Dreams, Compassion and Imagination. It is a house of choice – was I going to allow my planets to just chill in the hourglass they were born in, or was I going to break that hourglass and set them free? The obvious choice was made, but I knew it was going to take a lot of painful self-discovery. I continued to learn astrology and used it as a tool to help me learn more about myself. To some, the concept of taking so much time to learn about oneself may come off as silly. However, to those who are aware of their own 12th house planets, it is a very common theme for us.

mynatalchart_square

The Moon represents emotional responses.

I pride myself in making the best of my 12th house planets, though the Moon has always been my weakest link. I deal with most emotionally-challenging situations by suppressing my emotions or experiencing delayed emotional reactions. Still to this day, I  favor my mental and physical reflexes in any situation to determine how to feel before any emotions arise. If my subconscious doesn’t agree with how I’ve decided to feel, my true emotions end up unmasking themselves somehow. On the other hand, when my emotional reflexes are the first to react in a situation, my mind races with undefinable thoughts and feelings. My emotional reflex is so overwhelming that I can’t function unless I push my feelings to the side until I have time to process things in solitude. Having to break down the shameful process it takes to realize my emotions, and then post it on the internet, is very difficult for me. However, I know that there are people out there who will feel better about their own 12th house struggles when they read this.

For the most part I am in touch with my inner workings. I allow myself to feel a wide range of emotions, but I’m ashamed of feeling vulnerable. I feel ashamed when I realize I’ve allowed a situation to directly impact my emotions before I could mentally process things. When someone deeply hurts me (and it takes a lot to do so), my initial reaction is to make fun of and become hilariously cynical about the situation. Sometimes you’ll find me playing pranks on or toying with people psychologically to prove that I, too, am capable of dominance in situations where I have relinquished full emotional control. Regardless, my subconscious always ends up navigating its way through my internal war zone. My suppressed feelings of sadness often manifest through anxiety attacks, bawling in the ugliest way after going out for drinks, locking myself up at home and avoiding contact with the outside world, or my feelings surface in abstract ways. Here’s an example for you to understand my emotional processing:

About a month ago, it was one of my best friend’s birthdays. After she cancelled our plans to celebrate her birthday, she basically gave me the cold shoulder without any warning that something bothered her. In an attempt to reschedule, I asked how her birthday week was a few days later and I received a bitchy and confusing, “my birthday was perfect because everyone who matters to me was around.” I responded, but didn’t hear back from her. Being that she is a Cancer, I know she would not have said that unless she meant to cover up some sort of hurt that was caused by me. I told my roommate what was going on, and we agreed that trying to get an honest answer out of my friend would be a lost cause. Shortly after, we dropped the subject.

About a week later, my roommate asked if my friend and I had talked. I was emotionally startled because by then, I had already forgotten about that situation – or at least I thought I did. I dismissed the conversation by saying that it didn’t make sense to waste my time talking about situations that aren’t worth salvaging. Although I didn’t spend much time thinking about my lost friendship, it still ate away at me subconsciously. It’s embarrassing to admit, but seeing my social media accounts is what it took for me to realize that I was sad about losing a close friend.

I stupidly tweeted something about Cancers:

Cancer Tweet

I made a meme to express my frustration about communication issues between friends:

Confrontation Issues

Quick note on the last category: Sagittariuses are in the last category for different reasons than the other two. They don’t shy away from confrontation – they just tend to reason their way out of confronting people when feelings are involved. Cancers and Scorpios expect you to telepathically know that you fucked up and become silently frustrated when you’ve failed to comprehend their hieroglyphic SOS morse code dewey decimal system alien hints.

Then I realized, as sad as I was, I’m really glad that the situation birthed a hilarious meme that people could relate to. I chalked up my lost friendship to be a good thing and quickly forgot about my sadness over it. Although, knowing myself, I probably haven’t experienced my full range of emotions on this situation and might end up crying about it after a fun night out, wondering where I went wrong.

The Moon represents the mother or mother figure.

My Moon in the 12th house can mean that my mom was physically, emotionally or spiritually absent. Being that the 12th house represents mental institutions and imprisonment, it could reveal that my mom was mentally ill or went to prison. It can also mean that my mom emotionally depended on me a great deal more than I depended on her. It could also be that my mom was very spiritual and either deterred me from spirituality or served as a spiritual role model. There was always love between me and my mom. However, we were disconnected in many ways, which led me to be emotionally self-sufficient.

When I was very young, my mom decided to let God shape her life. I tried to do the same, but I didn’t understand why anyone would willingly give up control to a higher power. Growing up, my mom and I rode on two very different wavelengths, and because of this, there was a spiritual, emotional and mental gap between us. I felt like I couldn’t talk to my mom about anything because she wouldn’t see things the way I did. She often responded to me in a manner that I felt was irrelevant. As a result, I felt most comfortable thinking in solitude or writing my feelings down – in fact, that’s the only time I really felt comfortable in my own skin.

The older I grew, the more uncomfortable I felt at home. My mom felt like she didn’t even really know me – and it’s true, she didn’t. When I was at home, I kept silent in my room. When I wasn’t at home, I was able to let loose without my mom reminding me of God’s all-seeing eyes. Since I recently discovered my own spirituality, I have been able to understand my mom’s perspective and even adopt some of her beliefs. Although we are still very different and my spirituality expresses itself differently than my mom’s, we now understand and respect each other on many levels.

The Moon represents one’s intuition.

Natal Moon in 12th house often leads to one who intuitively knows other peoples’ emotions and intentions. Because of this, I have always been one to make friends and form romantic relationships with various types of people. Even if some of these people were unstable, shady, negative or bad for me, it felt “right” because of the fact that I understood them on a deeper level than others would.

During childhood, I was often plagued with the struggle of being unable to discern my own feelings from others. I would look at someone’s face, know how they were feeling, and in some crazy 12th house way, I was overcome with their emotions. When I was in class, I often got lost in daydreams or was interrupted by other people’s emotions rather than paying attention to what was being taught. Even in the present day, in order to work effectively, I have to be alone in order to think straight and cut out my concern for other people. My mental process and social intuition can cloud or strengthen each other depending on what I am doing, and this is attributed to my Moon conjunct Mercury both in 12th house.

Moon in 12th house people can make a strong impact in many peoples’ lives, as long as they learn to appreciate and build upon their gifts. The older and more spiritual I become, the more apparent it becomes to others that I can listen and advise without judgment. I used to think it was special when someone opened up to me about their most intimate dreams and feelings (Scorpio descendant, go figure). Now, it happens with strangers, friends and acquaintances from all walks of life, for which I am so grateful! Learning about others furthers my search to understand the human brain, which is another 12th house interest.

My biggest piece of advice to those with Moon in 12th house: It is not your job to be anyone’s emotional or literal punching bag. A person’s intentions don’t matter if he/she repeatedly treats you without consideration – brush your shoulders off and walk away.

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Other 12th house entries from Mary Jo Montevirgen:

My 12th House, Part I: Sun

My 12th House, Part III: Mercury

My 12th House, Part IV: North Node – Coming Soon!

Click here for all other entries by Mary Jo!

Mary Jo Montevirgen

About Mary Jo Montevirgen

Mary Jo Montevirgen is a 12th house Taurean who likes meditation, food, saving money and soft things. She spends her days healing and reading people through astrology, numerology and Reiki. Follow her on FACEBOOK, TWITTER and INSTAGRAM to experience her silly Aries Mercury first-hand.