Mercury Retrograde and the Capricorn Moon: Revisiting Religion
The prefix “RE” means “to do over,” so the overall theme of REtrograde is REvisiting. Old RElationships pop up. The dust we’ve swept under the rug starts to get lumpy. Lessons we thought we learned come a-knocking to see if we’ve REally moved past them.
Right on cue, we’re REvisiting REligion!
Six days into REtrograde, my mother left a comment on my Facebook profile picture, saying “Distinguish between the Creator and the created.”
She was referring to my link to my profile on an Astology website. My mother holds ignorant views on astrology based on what Christian apologetics teach, and they have not evolved over the years.
When a Capricorn Moon raises a Capricorn Moon
My mother’s and my RElationship has always been stilted from my youth. Ultimately, it was because I was never moldable, or “coachable” as she likes to say. I have a Capricorn moon, so love from her was quite conditional. Instead of actually seeing me for who I am, she always wanted me to do what she wanted. “Be a lawyer! Be a doctor! Be a Christian!”
But I’ve always been a free-thinking, free-spirited writer. When I was in elementary school, I’d read four books in one weekend and sit at a typewriter and write 100-page novels. I used to say I wanted to be an author and an astronaut when I grew up, so writing about astrology and metaphysics just fits. 🙂
From small, I knew who I was and what I wanted and for what I stood, and I’ve operated from my truth at all costs. This also meant a lot of self-censoring, because I grew up in a household that did not validate me. (Gemini Chiron conjunct Sun & Mercury in the 11th, all anchored by a Saturn opposition in the 5th. Ouch!)
My parents were married but not good for one another, and in my youth, I really wished they would just divorce already. My younger sister was mama’s pet; foregoing her own desires to live for our mother’s approval. My brother was a baby. Eventually, I ran away from home because the chaos between my parents was too much.
Rebuilding the 5th House
Fast forward fifteen years or so. After having a daughter of my own, and with Saturn returning to my 5th house of home life, creativity, and children, my focus has been on rebuilding my home.
During the last couple of years and peaking during this REtrograde cycle especially, my house REbuilding has manifested in many ways.
On the literal end, we’re REhabbing and REnovating our home and creating a new storefront, office space, and meditation center. This is what I was trying to build in Trinidad, but Saturn wrapped that up quick– I can’t run away and build in another country before learning how to clean up my first home base!
Nobody ever fixed the broken house of my childhood, so my default response to chaos was always, “Fuck that! I don’t have to live like this. I’m out!”
But you can only run for so long. Saturn calls for us to grow up and face the hot mess, lest we track the shit from our shoes all over our midlife and late adulthood.
One the emotional side, my husband and I have been REconnecting with our RElatives on both sides of the family. It’s been new for us, since we’re both rather introverted and independent. But with our baby being so young, I don’t want to project my familial disconnection onto her. Even though most of my people are in Zambia, Africa, our daughter can still connect with the people who are here in the States.
So, in working on cleaning up my 5th house/home, I’d opened myself up to my mother once again, for both my own healing and the benefit of my daughter. I know my mother is who she is, and I Am what I Am. Through that acceptance (on my end; I accepted her), the communication lines were open. We became Facebook friends again. We’d chat on the phone a few times a week.
I was feeling good about a new dimension of RElating to my mother, even though it was superficial and shallow, and she still wasn’t bothering to get to know me at the core. So we were REconnecting, but had never dealt with our fundamental issues.
The Mercury Retrograde Trigger
So much is going on cosmically for me in this moment. Several transit planets are conjuncting the personal planets in my natal chart: the Sun, Saturn, Mercury, and Venus, to name a few.
A week after Mercury REtrograde began, on cue, my mother wrote the Creator/created comment on my Facebook. Such a typical line from Christian Apologetics 101, and a typical REvisiting of our usual fight catalyst.
I’m in a different place now that I’m a mother. My baby girl is what matters the most; my life right now is about her and my husband. I don’t feel the need to supplicate, placate, kowtow, or beg my mother or anyone to accept me. Her guilt trips are so transparent and haven’t worked in a long time.
So since I could recognize the patterns, the family issues returning, the ugly heads rearing, and these underlying issues having not been dealt with, the Facebook comment was the straw that broke the camel’s back. In the past I might have felt some kind of way and tried to explain myself, or plead my case. I don’t have time for that any longer.
I called my mother immediately.
“ChiChi, I see you’re into astrology now,” she tried to teach me. “Astrology is worshipping the planets to tell your future. You’re worshipping the created, when we’re supposed to worship the Creator.” -_-
I can’t even rehash the conversation because it was so insanely ridiculous, but it culminated in her saying “JESUS is the way, ChiChi! JEEEEESUS! JEEEESUS! JEEEESUSSSSS” at me. I hung up.
But I wasn’t done. I dragged her via text message all night. NOW, I didn’t give a fuck. NOW was the time to really let loose and tell her about herself. She clearly was going to spew ignorant nonsense my way regardless, so there was no point in holding myself back.
It was nasty. Mercury retrograde nasty. Transit Mars aggressive nasty.
But it felt good, because my censor was gone. My guilt was nonexistant. And it needed to happen, so I could share some of the feelings I’d suppressed from my youth.
#DecodingTheAll – Healing the Chirotic Wound
The asteroid Chiron represents our deepest wounds.
In addition to the conjunctions mentioned above, transit Chiron conjuncting my natal Jupiter in Pisces gave me a real pressure to stand up for myself regarding this religious dichotomy after years of just “living and let live.” The Chiron/Jupiter conjunction represents pain around moral and religious “authorities.”
With my mother as the outside source constantly nagging me the way she always has for years, eventually enough had to be enough. She served as the catalyst to erupt me into a shift in attitude; a change in perspective.
In the past, I’d receive that trigger and feel sorry for myself, wishing my mother was different and nurturing. Knowing that she has a Capricorn moon herself, I recognized that her youth at my birth (she was 21) and lack of introspection (due to religious programming) have caused her to default into raising me the way her mother raised her. Just cold.
Now that I have my own child to nurture (and give thanks she has an Aries moon), my mother’s baby wisdom regarding astrology was just annoying, and only solidified my feelings that religious brainwashing is a mental lock.
Instead of identifying with the pain, this transit is triggering me to create my own verion of the “good life,” express my truth (since my natal Chiron is in Gemini), call out the BS of religious programming, and let go of that need for approval.
This is the process of alchemical transmutation–turning the dross metals into gold.
Someone has to be conscious enough to recognize the patterns and break the cycles of dysfunction. But we have to look up, look within, and know ourselves.
If my mother would look into her natal Pisces Chiron, she would see how her religious tendencies are tied up in her own consistent crises and unnecessary martyrdom. So in a way, I hope I was a catalyst for her, as transit Chiron in Pisces is currently blowing up her natal Chiron.
I’m not holding my breath, though.
We all have to heal ourselves, by any means necessary.
And THIS is why astrology is so beautiful: it gives you a guidemap for knowing yourself, and when you know better, you do better.
What has Mercury Retrograde got YOU Revisiting?