Have you ever wanted things to end with a guy, but you wanted to manipulate the situation so that it was his idea to do so? Well, with my knowledge of Astrology, paired with my dating history, I’m here to help! Here are ideas on how to act if you want to make a guy break things off with you. Also, please keep in mind that this is purely for comical purposes. A man’s preferences in love are affected by other planetary factors such as his Moon, Venus and Mars placements and aspects.
Gain weight and stop caring about your health. Be emotionally independent and act like you don’t need him. On the other hand, start acting clingy very early on! Become less adventurous and less open-minded. Start acting less enthusiastic in the bedroom. Boss him around. Tell him he’s one of the girls. If all else fails, invade his privacy and act jealous about your findings.
Stop returning calls and texts in a timely manner, and be flaky with set plans. Start being unpredictable with finances. (+5 points if you could somehow spend his money frivolously!) Tell him your diet is vegan, gluten free, refined sugar free, low fat and low sodium. When all else fails, you might have to pry his dead, lifeless hands off of you for him to get the hint.
Tell him you hate music. In fact, tell him that he and his many interests are boring. Become a creature of habit. Try to tie him down quickly and act jealous. When he gets depressed, tell him to just get over it. When he gets to talking too much, space out and don’t respond to him. If all else fails, lose contact with him for a few days – he will get distracted soon enough.
Freely use profanity. Talk trash about other people. Pressure him to go out socially on a frequent basis. Get a breast reduction. Tell him you don’t want children. Call him out on being emotional. Tell him you hate foreplay and love-making. Confess to him that you fucking can’t stand his cooking. If all else fails, tell him you hate his mom.
Flirt with other men in front of him. Tell him you’re not looking for anything serious. Live your own life and don’t involve him in it. Also, do your best to not involve yourself with his friends or family. Stop complimenting him and stop giving him attention. Make him feel like you don’t need him. If all else fails, tell him you slept with someone else and you loved it.
Look at him the wrong way. If all else fails, just be your true, unadulterated self.
Wear unflattering clothes and no makeup. Tell him you hate flowers and nice dinners. In fact, tell him that you can’t stand his taste in music. Make him think he has no clue how to relate to women. Point out the negative possibilities in any situation. If all else fails, act batshit crazy jealous when he so much as smiles at another.
Like his opposite in Taurus, start spending money frivolously. Dig into his privacy. Insist on being with him everywhere he goes. Act mysterious about what you’re doing and where you are when he checks up on you. Lie to him about little things – he will notice. If all else fails, buy him a penis enlarger and tell him he needs it if he wants to satisfy you.
If you are dating a man who believes he is an Ophiuchan, and you are okay with this, you should probably just stay together. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Act unintelligent and uninformed. Tell him you have no desire to travel. Become a creature of habit and watch him get bored with you. Have zero opinions on everything. Act super sensitive and cry when he is says something that might be taken offensively. If all else fails, tell him you are looking to get married in the next couple months or so. He’ll run faster than an African man in a marathon.
Like his opposite in Cancer, tell him you don’t want children. Call him out on being a brown-noser at work. Act like a bimbo without any business sense. Make stupid money decisions. Even better, tell him you don’t have any savings. Confess your dreams of living in the big city for the rest of your life. If all else fails, tell him that your dream is to work and support him while he stays at home and does chores.
Avoid learning about current events and world news. Smother him by checking up on him constantly. Tell him you are mentally unstable. Act bored when he tries to teach you something new. Disagree with his opinions, but don’t use any logic in your arguments. If all else fails, act stable and predictable, and don’t give into his spontaneity. +5 points if you can stop him from being spontaneous and/or going with the flow.
Like its opposite in Virgo, be your true and unadulterated self. Reject him in small ways, as he will remember it for the rest of his life. Have really strong opinions about every little thing. Stop eating healthy and stop working out. Tell him you dislike all animals. Get mad at him for being unreliable – be confrontational. If all else fails, let him roam free – he will find something else to distract him, he’ll probably end up on the other side of the world, and not even realize how much time has passed since you last talked or something.