How to Lose a Guy (Based on his Sun sign)

Have you ever wanted things to end with a guy, but you wanted to manipulate the situation so that it was his idea to do so? Well, with my knowledge of Astrology, paired with my dating history, I’m here to help! Here are ideas on how to act if you want to make a guy break things off with you. Also, please keep in mind that this is purely for comical purposes. A man’s preferences in love are affected by other planetary factors such as his Moon, Venus and Mars placements and aspects.

 

Aries
Gain weight and stop caring about your health. Be emotionally independent and act like you don’t need him. On the other hand, start acting clingy very early on! Become less adventurous and less open-minded. Start acting less enthusiastic in the bedroom. Boss him around. Tell him he’s one of the girls. If all else fails, invade his privacy and act jealous about your findings.

 

Taurus
Stop returning calls and texts in a timely manner, and be flaky with set plans. Start being unpredictable with finances. (+5 points if you could somehow spend his money frivolously!) Tell him your diet is vegan, gluten free, refined sugar free, low fat and low sodium. When all else fails, you might have to pry his dead, lifeless hands off of you for him to get the hint.

 

Gemini
Tell him you hate music. In fact, tell him that he and his many interests are boring. Become a creature of habit. Try to tie him down quickly and act jealous. When he gets depressed, tell him to just get over it. When he gets to talking too much, space out and don’t respond to him. If all else fails, lose contact with him for a few days – he will get distracted soon enough.

 

Cancer
Freely use profanity. Talk trash about other people. Pressure him to go out socially on a frequent basis. Get a breast reduction. Tell him you don’t want children. Call him out on being emotional. Tell him you hate foreplay and love-making. Confess to him that you fucking can’t stand his cooking. If all else fails, tell him you hate his mom.

 

Leo
Flirt with other men in front of him. Tell him you’re not looking for anything serious. Live your own life and don’t involve him in it. Also, do your best to not involve yourself with his friends or family. Stop complimenting him and stop giving him attention. Make him feel like you don’t need him. If all else fails, tell him you slept with someone else and you loved it.

 

Virgo
Look at him the wrong way. If all else fails, just be your true, unadulterated self.

 

Libra
Wear unflattering clothes and no makeup. Tell him you hate flowers and nice dinners. In fact, tell him that you can’t stand his taste in music. Make him think he has no clue how to relate to women. Point out the negative possibilities in any situation. If all else fails, act batshit crazy jealous when he so much as smiles at another.

 

Scorpio
Like his opposite in Taurus, start spending money frivolously. Dig into his privacy. Insist on being with him everywhere he goes. Act mysterious about what you’re doing and where you are when he checks up on you. Lie to him about little things – he will notice. If all else fails, buy him a penis enlarger and tell him he needs it if he wants to satisfy you.

 

Ophiuchus
If you are dating a man who believes he is an Ophiuchan, and you are okay with this, you should probably just stay together. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

 

Sagittarius
Act unintelligent and uninformed. Tell him you have no desire to travel. Become a creature of habit and watch him get bored with you. Have zero opinions on everything. Act super sensitive and cry when he is says something that might be taken offensively. If all else fails, tell him you are looking to get married in the next couple months or so. He’ll run faster than an African man in a marathon.

 

Capricorn
Like his opposite in Cancer, tell him you don’t want children. Call him out on being a brown-noser at work. Act like a bimbo without any business sense. Make stupid money decisions. Even better, tell him you don’t have any savings. Confess your dreams of living in the big city for the rest of your life. If all else fails, tell him that your dream is to work and support him while he stays at home and does chores.

 

Aquarius
Avoid learning about current events and world news. Smother him by checking up on him constantly. Tell him you are mentally unstable. Act bored when he tries to teach you something new. Disagree with his opinions, but don’t use any logic in your arguments. If all else fails, act stable and predictable, and don’t give into his spontaneity. +5 points if you can stop him from being spontaneous and/or going with the flow.

 

Pisces
Like its opposite in Virgo, be your true and unadulterated self. Reject him in small ways, as he will remember it for the rest of his life. Have really strong opinions about every little thing. Stop eating healthy and stop working out. Tell him you dislike all animals. Get mad at him for being unreliable – be confrontational. If all else fails, let him roam free – he will find something else to distract him, he’ll probably end up on the other side of the world, and not even realize how much time has passed since you last talked or something.

Mary Jo Montevirgen

About Mary Jo Montevirgen

Mary Jo Montevirgen is a 12th house Taurean who likes meditation, food, saving money and soft things. She spends her days healing and reading people through astrology, numerology and Reiki. Follow her on FACEBOOK, TWITTER and INSTAGRAM to experience her silly Aries Mercury first-hand.

7 Comments

  • Michell says:

    Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful post. Many thanks for supplying this information.

  • ayako says:

    Omg, I just realized, I did most of these things to a piscen once – he moved to Australia.
    (Just being a Virgo. ) 5 years on he seemed really happy about being able to talk again 🙂

  • Tyler says:

    Why was this edited after the fact for multiple signs without mention? I liked your initial Virgo description because being an absolutely uncompromising and unadulterated version of yourself is the quickest way to run away someone who would love nothing more than to help you with the areas of your life that need it the most. Now they just look like an egotistical asshole and not even in a way that’s funny at all. Please put the original description back! Also, all the health info on the Pisces description is gone too. We may be self-destrutive, but we still believe your body is a temple/wonderland in the end.

    Love,
    Overly-sensitive Pisces Male 😉

  • tru says:

    The person who wrote this clearly got dumped by Virgo male. It may seem that simple and messed up to the person being dumped, but trust us – it’s not.

  • Ivannah says:

    You had your point there. Scorpio part is so true!! 🙂

  • Daheun says:

    This is funny. Especially Capricorn and scorpio